Bulwer-Lytton literary parody prize...

Jim Guigli, a retired mechanical designer, won the prize, in which contestants submit their worst opening sentence of an imaginary novel.
Guigli's winning entry read: "Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."
I hope one day Mr. Guigli writes the rest of this story. I would be the first in line to buy it.